Black Man, I Love You…

I’ve found myself being pulled into conversations about black men and the way we assist society in keeping them emotional prisoners to their struggles and walk in this world. Our men are desensitized and raised to show no emotion. We allow society to tell them it’s not okay to express emotions and if they cry, feel, or express any discomfort in response to life’s situations, they’re weak.

We’ve fallen short in our support of our black men because they know they can’t “feel” freely without being judged or left out high and dry by the one group of people that are supposed to stand by their side and understand as much as possible what they suffer through; black women. We are so quick to be angry when we don’t get the support we need. Quick to label our men as deadbeat fathers, ain’t shit, and incapable of being providers. Not all black women, but there are enough out there for us to be stereotyped as angry, unsupportive, and judgmental as a group. That’s not my truth though…

I didn’t understand the stigma that black men are raised with a lack of sensitivity or a touch of gentleness. Comforting your son when he’s hurt or cries isn’t a bad thing, allowing your son to process pain in a healthy outward way won’t make him weak, and explaining feelings that all humans go through will not hinder him from becoming a man. I grew up without brothers in my household, so, I didn’t get to experience these stigmas first hand, but I know they exist because they reveal themselves in the relationships I’ve had with men in my past. I, also, have friends that worry about their brothers and recognize the disservice presented to them in their younger years from that lack of nurture, which displays itself in the way they interact with everybody.

Men need a safe space to feel.

Someone sent me a post on Instagram that read, “A black man choosing to vent to you… You have no clue about the compliment he just gave you…” The comments under the post were horrific. Women, I hate to say black women, giving so many reasons as to why those problems aren’t theirs to fix nor are they any of their concern. Comments shutting men down for needing somebody to confide in and protect them. The worst of all, women in relationships, I’m sure claiming it’s not their job to listen to the problems of their man, but they’ll be the first to be hurt when another woman listens to their man… I won’t go there though.

We want love. We desire to be understood and heard. We want to be treated like Queens… but choose not to uplift our Kings. How does that even translate into real life?

I’ve met some really D.O.P.E. men along my way that could have flourished from being loved and comforted by the right person. Who are we to decide we’re too good to give out what we “expect” or think we “deserve” to receive from someone else? Don’t require anything you can’t reciprocate! Don’t lead anybody on for your own selfish agenda and personal gain. We are all human beings and deserve to be treated with the love and care that humans need. It’s not about being a man vs being a woman, it’s about understanding life hits everyone and we all need comfort when it does. You can’t justify disregarding someone’s feelings when you know at least one person that experiences the same things they do, even if you aren’t experiencing them at that particular time as well.

This lack of comfort and affection I think feeds into so many things wrong with interaction between sexes. Men harbor anger because they have no outlet for all of the emotions they’re told to bottle up. They’re afraid for their lives everyday when they walk out the door while simultaneously fearing for the lives of their children because no one is safe these days, not even the babies. They’re tasked with protecting the family, teaching strength, providing, and always having it together.

So, when do they rest?

When can they be human and be allowed to experience the affects of the life they walk through everyday?

Be a better support system. Be a better friend, sister, lover, confidant, mother, supporter, and whatever else they need. We have the world on our shoulders as black people already. We understand what it feels like to be under appreciated and disregarded as black women, this is the same for when our men aren’t allowed to process, grieve, and evaluate the aftermath of being a black man.

Moral of the story we all need each other. We need to stop fighting wars among ourselves when we’re already exhausted fighting the wars of the world against our skin color. Uplift a Black King and give him a safe space to release some of what he has pent up. Don’t just stop at doing that today either… make it a continuous practice and pass that on to the next generation to start the movement and break the cycle.

Be D.O.P.E.

P.S. if you haven’t heard it today… I love your black boy joy… it’s D.O.P.E. You should let it shine more often.