Controversial Woman Part 2
Control over MY being is what I want as an independent black woman.
The world can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like to not have as much control over the things that are done to us. We have to twist, bend, adapt, correct, and continue to keep moving forward with every step we take. If we express ourselves we’re “angry”, if we cry we’re considered “sensitive”, and when we make a decision for ourselves for a change instead of putting everybody else’s desire’s before ours we’re “selfish”. Why does the rest of the world get to be these things without reprimand but we aren’t?
We fight for jobs that we’re overlooked for because of our sex, we’re expected to be responsible for the well being of “home”, and we’re attacked for our unique ability to have a million different styles yet I still get mistaken with “the other” black girl in the office because somehow we look the same.
And on top of that, even though I already carry the burden of representing an entire race because our skin color is the same and it’s an immediate target no matter what room I walk into, I also represent a subgroup of that race because I am a woman and have to explain to the world why it’s not okay to tell me how to handle my self confidence, my emotions, my sexuality, or my gender role… oh and let’s not forget that we now have to explain why it’s not okay for a grown man to escort his daughter to her gynecologist exam and demand to have her hymen checked and be informed that it’s still in tact.
Question… how many men do you think are virgins when they get married?
I’d love to know the answer to that question!
These double standards have got to stop! Why is the picture painted that a successful black woman is more susceptible to being alone because she has her own money and can afford to give herself “all of the things”? Why are we intimidating when we speak our minds and don’t take your shit, then we’re left to deal with life on our own?
Talk about exhausting!
Half the time all we really want is to make money doing something we love, where we don’t have to report to “the man” in charge, be our own boss, and have a loving man lay it down frequently the same way they want us to. In some cases, for those women that don’t want just one, not be judged for wanting multiple men to lay it down when necessary.
Sex is such a touchy subject for people. Including myself. The fact can’t be lost that it increases energy, improves moods, and provides stress relief. All things we need as women too! Society makes it ridiculously hard for us to be “free” in our our skin though. The woman that is openly promiscuous is considered a hoe, while a woman that could have the same sexual desires/drive be secretly promiscuous and nobody is the wiser, but a man with a “body count” in the 100s is praised and awarded for being “the man”. How hard is it to accept that we are all sexual beings that desire fire and passion and let that just be okay?
It’s grown to be so much more than religion based and being a disappointment to God. Take a look at rape culture… Girls are told not to provoke being raped. So, would you blame a woman for provoking her attacker if she wore an over sized sweatshirt with baggy pants that didn’t show her figure the same way you blame a women for provoking her attacker that was wearing a miniskirt heels and a crop top? Questions that need answers…
We want to be accepted as we are and not be taken advantage of because the world thinks we’re '“weaker” and provocative. We’re fashioned to be sex symbols but are looked down upon when we choose to embrace our passionate side. This goes for all of the women that hold on to their virtue until marriage, too. The women that can be congratulated for holding on to their beliefs and not bending or breaking even though they are tested and tried. Don’t label us because we choose to be who we were born to be.
There’s nothing wrong with creating intimate moments with the men we love, just as there’s nothing wrong with learning our bodies and what makes us tick. Clear your mind of what society has taught you I should be as a woman, let alone a black woman. Understand that I have desires, I can love, I can have a fling, I can want to look pretty and show off my curves, I can cover all of my skin and not allow anybody to see it until I’m ready, I can be whatever I choose to be and not be ashamed of being me.
Be a controversial woman!
You see a good looking man, shoot your shot! You want to have sex on the first date,do it! You want that job that you are more than qualified for, go after it! You are the master of your fate, you are the captain of your soul. Don’t let ANYBODY tell you otherwise.
Embrace your D.O.P.E. and be all of the things they told us we couldn’t be.
You are not a slut, you are not a whore, you are not a disgrace, you are worthy, God loves you, I love you, and you should too. We are the source of life for this world, who could they attempt to control without first being delivered into this world from our womb?
Be D.O.P.E.
“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
- Marilyn Monroe