The Take Home
As the holidays approach and as the young kids say “cuffing season” is in session, I get warm thinking about the peace that’s supposed to come with this time of the year. I love the Thanksgiving and Christmas season because even when I was younger it was about the time I got to spend with my family. Now, it can definitely be hard when you think about those that are no longer with us, and missing their presence and company, but I try to focus on celebrating the lives of my loved ones and reflecting on the conversations we could have about all of the things that have changed since we last spoke.
One, semi-anxious issue I have with this season, however, is dating.
Whenever you’re in a relationship there comes a point in time where you have to make a choice… introduce them to the family or not to introduce them to the family. This crossroad typically comes around the holidays for me because I’m so family oriented. Seeing how my partner interacts with my family is SUPER important to me. It can also be very taxing worrying about how my family will relate and accept certain people.
Actually, they worry me in that aspect all year round, LOL.
It can be hard choosing to bring a significant other around your family. You open up and bring your world’s together and it can be a collide or it can be a marrying of families, ideas, and new beginnings. My favorite part about doing it at this time of year is getting to determine if my partner is as dedicated and excited to enjoy the holidays as I am.
It can be super easy to get down and dwell on the sad parts of celebrating family time without all of my family, but I prefer to think of how my father would interact with us now in 2019, how different would he be compared to who he was in 2002 at our last holiday celebration together? That plays a big part in who I choose to bring home and share that sacred moment with. When you’re dating with a purpose and looking for a life partner what’s important for you? My answer is my family accepting them.
The take home is the most nerve-wrecking thing to ever do for me. I can deal with a lot on my own, but there’s something about your 70+ year old mother looking at you and telling you the man (or woman, just writing from my perspective) you believe to be in love with is “mean” or not worthy of the love she knows you can give. I’ve had that happen a couple times, LOL. I’ve also had the scenario where mom’s was all for somebody that I later decided wasn’t the right choice for me. Opening my life, my world, my heart to somebody is by far the most intimate thing I could ever do and I refuse to do it lightly.
Depending on who you are and what you hold dear I think Thanksgiving and possibly Christmas are the best times to introduce somebody to your tribe. If you’re like me and family is major for you, here’s why:
Most importantly, if your family doesn’t like them, let them go! Who has time trying to make something work with 2 separate worlds?
Everybody is already together and you can avoid the “why haven’t I met so and so yet?” questions that always come up when a picture gets spread in the family text groups, Facebook groups, and whatever other messaging groups we all have, LOL.
Your tribe is how you succeed! If they can’t integrate into that safe space for you in a positive way how can you ever attempt to tackle things outside of your comfort zone to incite growth?
If you want to start a family you need to gauge how that person is in a family setting
It’s just comforting to know rather than waiting and finding out after it’s too late that you shouldn’t have gotten married or had kids with this person.
If you’re not big on your family’s opinions or feeling they can be overwhelming I completely understand why this wouldn’t be your desired approach, but remember, family is what you make of it. If that’s introducing them to your best friends, your sister circle, your adoptive family, etc., just bring them around the people that mean the most to you whose input matters.
I have a close friend that chose to remain in a relationship with someone their family did not like. In turn their partner’s family didn’t care for my friend either. These two got married anyway and had a baby. My friend ignored the most important thing that they’re now realizing they never should have ignored and that was listening to what their families were saying. I’m all for believing in true love and making decisions for yourself, but you also have to consider the things that you value and your overall happiness. Don’t exile yourself on an island of love when you really want to visit the mainland and have people visit your island too.
Have you ever been in a relationship you know you should have left a long time ago? Have you ever stayed in a relationship despite your family and friends advising you to do differently? What’s your favorite part about the holidays or why do you not care about the holidays so much? How do these things effect the way you date now? How did you make it to where you are if you’re already married and was family important to you in your dating season? Share below if you’re in the holiday spirit!
Be D.O.P.E. and save me some turkey next week!