Wedding or Marriage?

Weddings…

I won’t lie and say they aren’t beautiful. I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about mine. I won’t lie and say I’m curious about what mine will actually be. All of these things are truths… BUT why do we feel the need to put on such a spectacle to “impress” other people on “Our” day?

Don’t aim for the wedding, aim for the lifetime. I know I’ve said this to a few people on different occasions and I still believe it’s very true; I live within a microwavable generation. A lot of what I see are people aiming for the glam and glitz of the “wedding” as though that means the marriage will be successful. That can lead to missing red flags and failing to actually learn your partner in an attempt to put on a show and have a title rather than find a life partner.

I’ve always been different when it came to thoughts of my wedding. I felt weird, honestly. All of my friends had these intricate plans for their wedding day already planned out; the location, the colors, the date, what the cake would look like, flowers, the type of dress. etc… I would insert a petty comment here but we won’t do that, lol. I on the other hand, never knew about any of that stuff, but knew who I wanted my husband to be and the qualities I wanted him to possess. I would find myself trying to satisfy the “girl standard” of being interested in wedding shows, Pinterest searches for dresses, discovering the perfect color pairings, and dreaming of a beautiful wedding, but lets be real… who paying for that ish?!

The truth is, I want my wedding day to be about me and my husband. I know we’ve all heard “happy wife, happy life,” but what’s really happy about focusing on only one party in the union’s happiness? Sounds like a set up for failure if you ask me. Now, I understand some guys don’t care and the wedding really is just for the benefit of their wife, but truthfully, if this is somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with and create memories with, shouldn’t it be a partnered effort?

Maybe because I haven’t been in that position yet, or even close to it, but I’m not interested in the show, I’m interested in creating an intimate moment with the man I love that God has carefully crafted out just for me and I for him… maybe it’s the romantic in me.

I am not by any means knocking anybody’s wedding. It’s been beautiful to witness people around my life get engaged, married, and start families. Sometimes I forget that I’m at an age where these things are normal and “okay.” It’s strange hitting the transition from being young and afraid of getting pregnant or loving someone that isn’t accepted by your family for whatever reason. Realistically, I passed that threshold years ago, but now that these things are happening is when I realize where I am in life and how I’m not that little girl that needs to appease anybody with my decisions anymore.

I’ve been moving through life the last few weeks with an incredible increase in marriage references and I’m pretty sure it’s more that my focus is on the references than there being an actual increase in them. I’ve just found myself hearing the “My husband” this or “when I got married” that so much more, and I’m just here like hmmmmm, I wonder what my story will be in 20 years if I ever actually make it to those milestones.

I, also, find myself observing who these women are and wondering who on Earth married some of them because, whew Jesus… the ghetto, LOL.

My season of witnessing those around me getting married as I wait for my turn has started. I’m not sure what made me realize the shift, but I definitely see that’s where I am. I remember witnessing people, friends and family alike, desire to find their husbands and start that next chapter of their lives and I didn’t truly understand it until now. I’m not even worried about the wedding portion, though, I desire my partner in crime, my comfort system, and an equal that can appreciate everything I have to give.

It’s interesting looking back on the disconnect I experienced while being in “serious” relationships (that were more serious to those looking in than they actually were for me). I always held back thoughts of forever when I didn’t feel whom I was dating at the time was ready for it… definitely another way I’ve stood in my way of finding the things I deserve in life. God was waiting for me to stop being impatient and sit still honestly. As soon as my mentality changed and I let fears of being alone go and actually chose to be alone my life took a turn. Now, I’m at a new turning point and I feel the anxiety creeping up on me… something about potentially reaching your goals and the small possibility of failure that holds you back from actually moving forward. I’ve got to stop doing that.

Love, is such a beautiful thing… I feel we as humans get lost in a “game” when it was never intended to be a game. I know, personally, my biggest set back was settling into situations where I knew somebody couldn’t give the same dedication to love me that I could give them and accepting whatever they would give me as enough.

Don’t sell yourself short for the dream. Truth is, just because it works for somebody else (or didn’t work) doesn’t mean that’s your guaranteed outcome. The “American Dream” isn’t a dream for every person in America.

Overall, I’m not in a rush to get to my wedding. I’m in more of a rush to get to the person that wants to deal with me and all my nonsensical mood swings, my goofy moments dancing through the house, listening to me sing even though I can only carry a note, my sad times that I can’t explain, the times when I feel like the world hates me, and then all the happy times I have when the world seems at peace to me.

Invest in your future not just in the glamour and constructed view you give the world into your life.

Be D.O.P.E.