Settling for “a snack”...

I was asked not too long ago if I had gotten closure from my previous relationship… the concept is laughable to me. In my experience “closure” is some women’s attempt to find a way to fix “it” based on what broke “it”… not actually gaining some insight on what happened to work towards acceptance and peace to move on. I don’t think I’ve realistically ever gotten closure from a past romantic relationship. There are some friendships I haven’t even gotten closure on… come on.

Let’s face it… a lot of us have been there. I won’t say all because everybody doesn’t react the same way in relationships, BUT a nice majority of us know what it feels like to be stuck on somebody long after things are over. I often hear about situations where women feel as though “he” could have given them closure, and I’m here to say… You’re the only one that can close that chapter baby girl.

I think we often confuse closure with believing you deserve an apology for how things went wrong and hoping that mending that one broken thing will bring you two back together and give you the dream wedding you started planning after knowing the man for 3.5 seconds when he was trying to figure out if you were going to catch him a charge or not… you know black don’t crack.

Sure an apology would be great from every guy that did you wrong or couldn’t work things out with you, but whatever happened, happened for a reason. Everybody can’t be “The One”. Truth be told, half the time waiting for that apology is like waiting for him to say “I’m sorry for doing what’s right for me.” At least that’s how I’ve observed many guys to interpret that desire from women.

For any guys reading this, the apology isn’t for leaving… the apology is for the chances you had to end it sooner or be honest sooner but instead you peddled hope and maybe’s.

For any women reading this like “Yea, you tell them girl!” remember to always pay attention to what you’re being given. Don’t work off of what you think a man means when they tell you something; when they tell you who they are believe them. AND on top of that, take ownership in the things that happened, placing it all on them is not going to fix your broken heart and stop your tears from falling.

The concept of closure is a nice thought/idea but the truth is nobody has to give you a reason for wanting something different for themselves. It sucks and relationships are hard, but I would much rather have somebody tell me the truth and let me know they’re not willing to fight to make it work instead of telling me they want it to work and showing me they don’t care through their actions. Honesty is not easy to give, but give it. The person on the receiving end will appreciate it a lot more when you do, even if it doesn’t seem apparent in the moment.

And if you’re with somebody that’s going to get crazy if you tell them the truth and it’s not something they like, sounds to me like it’s time to find a new significant other. Come on now! Who wants to be stuck in a relationship where they aren’t happy just to make somebody else happy? Life is too short and not enough of us live it to the fullest, stop wasting your time fearing things you have no definite control over, and control the things you can to make your life more blissful.

I am too old (late 20s so not really old) to be out here playing games with peoples time, and to have my time wasted. Time is the most precious commodity, it cannot be regained, you can’t earn more of it, and you never know how much of it you have to begin with. Protect your peace and find a way forward to something worth your time, energy and effort. The right man will invest in you and treat you like the Queen you are.

And don’t fall into the yo-yo trap when he wants to be back and forth or wishy washy. Men are very direct when they know what they want and will not come and go like that when they are serious about you. He thinks you’re a snack… he’s coming back temporarily while he searches for his entree.

That’s my two cents for the day…

I have always believed in fighting for what you truly love and doing what it takes to salvage what you’ve worked hard to attain, but we can’t make somebody else feel that way about us. If you love them, let them go… and if it’s what God intended you to have, it will come back into your life like wildfire, even when you’re not searching for it. Sometimes we have growing we need to do ourselves and can’t effectively do that until we remove ourselves from certain situations. You also can’t see what you need to correct about yourself and your own actions being wrapped up in somebody else.

LOVE YOURSELF GIRL!

As soon as you do that “he”, whoever Prince Charming may be, will show up at your door step. Then you’ll be wondering if this was really what you wanted, LOL. But seriously, stop looking to somebody else for your closure, let what that was go, start on your self love and self care journey, and take it to God.

Be D.O.P.E. Black Girl!