Truths, Friends, and Relationships

Aaaaannnndddd scene!

You’re dating someone that you’re in love with and you’ve known for a substantially long time. Introduce them to your friends, they know your family, you’re thinking bout forever as we often do, and everything is truly beautiful and amazing. You’re on cloud nine and nothing can pop your bubble, or so you believe. One of your best friends, however, discovers some sort of truth about this person that you love and is now stuck between whether to tell you what has happened or let you continue and move forward in your happiness none the wiser. This person you believe to be your soulmate has done something absolutely horrifying, disrespecting you and your relationship.

What would you want your best friend to do? Tell you a truth that wrecks your entire fairytale or let you live in a lie? And if/when they tell you, how do you handle that situation?

I’ve been this friend tooooooo many times… I’m tired of it!

One of the absolutely hardest things to do is cause pain for someone you truly care about and love. I know too many people that would rather live in the gray area of unspoken truths to protect a well crafted reality, but please… don’t do me any favors and try to spare my feelings if you find yourself in this predicament. I think we as women accept too much when it comes to the idea of love and it’s foolish. I get the fairytale is the goal and what you’ve always wanted since you were little, but there are things more important than staying in something simply because time was invested.

I need to know who I’m dealing with to then decide if I want to move forward and continue on the path I’m on or let it go and find a new one. Don’t take on the burden of my future and my happiness because that’s NOT your weight to carry. I feel like I hear men complain bout how women always ask for the truth and then can’t handle it… valid point LOL, but don’t group me in that category. The truth is the absolute most valuable thing to me, be real, be brutal if you need to, and let me deal with my emotions and how I receive that on my own.

I am an advocate for honesty and having all sides of a situation to make a logical and well thought out decision. Hence my persistence in being honest with people when they choose to be with someone I do or don’t like. Not that your relationship is my business, let whomever you please make you happy by all means, but if you mean the world to me and I love you like family I want to see you be great and be the amazing King and/or Queen I know you are.

I’ve held in feelings from some of these situations for a long time, and to be honest I always wonder if I made the right decision. I’ve lost friends from realities that were just nasty and that sucks, but the lesson learned from that is they weren’t really friends.

I’ve had friends who’s significant other’s have approached me privately in some really foul ways, I’ve had friends date guys that I’ve discovered cheated on them, I’ve had to tell friends when their significant others lied to them in MAJOR ways, and I’ve even had situations where I was dating someone and their friend did some foul stuff towards me where I had to tell my significant other like ya mans is foul… deal with that!

After college I had a roommate situation that ended so terribly. Within that living situation we had typical issues that occur with friends that choose to live together. The eruption of the situation occurred when her boyfriend at the time chose to approach me privately in an inappropriate manner. Now, I’m here stuck on how to be gentle with a really effed up situation. She was literally my BEST FRIEND, no matter what may have been going on I still loved her very much and wanted what was best for her. So, I told her the truth. I didn’t give her all the details, I think certain things don’t need to be repeated once they’ve exited someone’s mouth but that’s just me.

Thinking back on the situation, I’m glad I did what I did because it cleared my conscience of a negative situation and pain that was weighing on my heart in ways it shouldn’t have, and honestly, if I were her I’d want my best friend to be real with me… like you’re dating a fuckboy. Thanks for that info sis, let me work out my next steps kind of thing. I often think back to that relationship and wonder what I could have done to change the outcome and the truth is, there was nothing I could have done differently.

Something to always keep in mind when dealing with people is, the only person you can control is you. If you did your part to wash your hands of the shadiness and take yourself out of a bad situation, good.

I lost what I thought was a good friend, even a sister in certain ways to a situation I never asked to be in. I’m not sure how she feels about it, but seems like she’s happy with her decisions and that’s amazing! I’m here for doing what’s best for you to rock your happy high and proud. Which she definitely did, they’re now married, hopefully happily, and prayerfully with his eyes kept in their home. I mean, what do I know anyway? I’m extra single and I’m not even on marriage’s radar LOL.

I know this topic gets buzz a lot and there are so many different viewpoints on this, but how do you feel about it? If you were or if you have been in my position would you have told? If you were or if you have been in her position would would you have wanted me to? And on top of that what would that have meant for the friendship vs your romantic relationship? Drop comments below or on my IG post and lets start a convo!

No matter what anybody says, I think we as women need to protect one another with honesty. There’s already so much against us, we don’t need to be against each other as well. Like I said, I’ve been in this type of situation a few times, and every time I’ve been upfront and honest about it. I DON’T WANT NO SMOKE! Definitely don’t want anybody thinking I wanted to take something from them or provide information that could potentially ruin something they love.

And to be clear, when I say I’ve been in this position multiple times, I’ve also been in situations where I knew somebody cheated on a friend of mine and situations where I knew somebody lied to a friend of mine about something big. These issues are crazy, and if marriage is in the picture, TELL ME! I don’t have time for the nonsense lol.

I wish nothing but the best to them and their love, black love is DOPE no matter where it is as long as it’s true, seriously.

Be D.O.P.E.