The Warning
I told him not to do it. He didn’t listen to me. Thought I was just blowing smoke out of my face because that’s what he called all of the words that flowed out of my mouth. As if he hated to hear me speak and would prefer my mouth be sewn shut to protect the integrity of the air he breathes. I believe he’d find needle and thread to do it himself if he didn’t say he loves me.
The first time, I was giving my opinion on why he refused to look for a new job since he hates the current one so much. My thoughts didn’t agree with his claim of loyalty and promising growth within the prestigious organization he had already committed 13 years of his life to. He’s a coward. They don’t respect him and know he can’t handle any additional responsibility in correspondence with what he currently does.
Honestly, I wouldn’t give him a promotion either. He’s a lazy ass with no ambition. Instead of bettering himself, he chooses to complain about all the imperfections of his current circumstance, inadvertently finding no solution to the problem.
“I just think you’re afraid of trying something new and failing. It’s easy to stay where you’re comfortable and be miserable.” I remarked.
The right side of my jaw was introduced to the knuckle of the middle finger on his left hand abruptly, laying the foundation for a new friendship of sorts. My face didn’t know it yet, but they were about to be best friends.
“Don’t ever call me fucking miserable!”
I had no earthly idea our bodies could become more familiar with each other than they did that day. Call me crazy but if I recall correctly, he exhaled a sigh of relief upon contact. His body nudged forward as if his right hand wanted to join the party but he gathered himself and didn’t release the rest of the pent up anger he presented a glimpse of in that instant.
All I could think was, “how did we get here?”
He said he loved me at month three and proposed on our one year anniversary. We didn’t want a wedding, just each other.
“You’re all I need, beautiful.”
He convinced me it would be better to save the money of a big wedding and invest in something else we wanted; a house maybe? We went to the courthouse a month later with our best friends and did the deed. My mother wasn’t thrilled with the rush of it all and told me she couldn’t come to the ceremony. She didn’t understand how I could make such an immaculate decision within such a short time of knowing him, but I didn’t need anything additional. He was kind to me, loved my cooking, made me laugh… he never once showed any red flags of wanting to turn me into an at home punching bag.
Fast forward and here we are. Just hit one year of being married and now this. I thought his dreams were my dreams… we wanted to create a family, see the world… but the only part of the world I seem to see is this monotonous circus of a house he tries to call a home, drowning in self pity with not even a glimmer of the ambition that radiated from his being when I met him. Never thought about an annulment until his hand found comfort in doing harm to my body. Of course he decides to unleash his true self when Divorce is the only option; something I said I’d never do. That’s the thing about saying never, you never know what you might do when the right person manipulates you.
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Be D.O.P.E.!