Him

I made the mistake of thinking about you
In the midst of my loving him.
But who are you to tempt me,
When you never gave me an end?
I thought back to your caress
And almost forgot his acquiesce.
I remember the confusion I had
To not knowing what I was to you.
Not who,
But what.
The doormat you took your most trusted steps on.
I find this amusing…
That I could bother thinking back to you
That
Us
An imaginary union left as a pile of dust.
Shadows of inconsistency
And to think
You popping back up made me slightly believe
That it wasn’t all for nothing.
But
Isn’t it all just
Boogymen, big foot, and
Other mythological monsters that creep in the abyss of my mind
Referring back to you.
Too fake to be true but so scary you do
In fact
Scare me
Into thinking we will never be.
And I continually think of you
In the midst of my loving him.
Locked with righteous
Covered with sin.
Your sin
Sent to cleanse my when of sin
Drenched in the likings of “him”
Who is you, and I can’t win…
I can’t win for losing.
Choosing to close my eyes
And wait to die
The death of who we were
To let go of who I thought you were.
Because you were always just a figment of my imagination
And we were never real.
You had me set up for failure from the beginning.
And even though I know that fact
I can’t seem to stop making the mistake
Of thinking of you
In the midst of me loving him